Jerome the Giraffe - 25 Jul 2016

Why hello there! I'm Jerome the Giraffe. I'm a Management Consultant from Twice Slaughterhouse Bloopers. I've been brought in by your bosses to look at how we can make your workplace more vertically-focussed and maximally-oriented! What fun! Now, obviously, later on we'll be breaking into syndicate rooms with butcher's paper. OMG! I'm up to my neck in that stuff! I'm really thrilled to be here - tremendous! Now we'll be working together on what I like to call "The Blame Spiral" for the next seven weeks - Grand! So we need to just introduce ourselves and talk about what drives us to be here - to perform, to outperform - oh this is so exciting! So we'll go around the room - we'll say * who we are; * what our job is; * why we're here, * what type of cheese we'd like to be; and * what we should talk about in The Blame Spiral. Scintillating!

* We'll start with me! I'm Jerome, I'm passionate about competencies, I'm here because of the sandwiches, I'd like to be Swiss Cheese because of all the bubbles, and I'll wait and see what to blame! Oh - let's go around the room anti-clockwise today, starting next to the portrait of Lenin!

* Hello, I'm Philomena. I'm in product development on the new model -the one with the orange stuff. It's not really that exciting. I'm here because my boss said I was interfering with team dynamics. I like camembert - soft and mushy like me. I blame my boss, Kevin.

* I'm Kevin. I'm from the United Nations. I'm here because Syria's under control, baby, so I can be here for seven weeks no problem. I like blue-vein cheese because maybe it's got a heart. I blame Objective.

* Hi everyone, I'm George, I'm from the Cephalopod Recovery Unit - we skin the goolies, pulverize them, and then stick 'em in jars and sell 'em for 80 quid. I'm passionate about model railways. I'm not really into cheese. I blame them.
* I'm Alan. I'm an accountant. I'm very happy to be here - can we have some cheese please?