Reuters -
Sarajevo, Bosnia-Hercegovina, Friday: Whilst signs of
the bitter ethnic conflict that tore this nation apart twenty years ago
are ever-present, most Bosnians carry on their workaday lives, intent on
making a break from the past. One way though
that Bosnians are still reminded of the price they paid for the
conflict is the desperate measures the government is taking to pay-off
national debt incurred during the war.
Professor Dr Grg Vrklc is the curator of the "Sarajevo Instityt Mikrosoft
Splchk-Grammtiky" (Bosnian Language Institute) and also
self-styled president of the Bosnian Vowel Liberation Movement, set-up
after the nation's treasurer announced another three-year vowel export
deal with Finland and Estonia. Under the terms of the
deal, 20,000 vowels (top-heavy in a's) are sent by container lorry to
the more consonant-challenged northern extremities of Europe.
"It is ghoulish and disgusting" says Dr
Vrklc. "The Bosnian language didn't have many vowels to start with. Now
we are selling our prized language ... and for what? It's because of
those bastards!" He gesticulates wildly to
the hills above the city, from which nationalist forces of the
Republika Srpska besieged the city for four years, resulting in the
deaths of 15,000 - ironically using the city's 1984 Winter Olympics
venues as bases.
"What does Finland need with more
vowels? It is a mockery!" intones Dr Vrklc. He notes its former Prime
Minister was Maarti Aartissaari. "I hear they are building a museum in a
city called Aalsuumoo called the Oeaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiuuaiiauaaaa
Sarajevo
Zoo is not safe from the cleansing of vowels. Aaron the Aardvark, a
popular animal with Bosnian children since 2011, is now called Ron. He
remains an aardvark though because alternatives,
including Earth Pig, Earth Bear, and Ant Bear, all contain similar
numbers of vowels.
But Grg shows me one small victory. Out
of his pocket he brandishes the letter "e". "Finally! I can become
Greg! Only two vowels away from becoming George!" Greg
explains that he paid 50,000
zlotys to a shady businessman who claimed his name was Igor, Igor and
his henchmen held-up a container lorry and 'repatriated' Bosnian vowels.
But there was no guarantee that he would get an 'E'. "I could so easily
have become Grug!" he explains.
Greg's happiness is
short-lived. As our interview concludes, his children have their vowels
stripped by government officials. "No!" shouts Greg. "My son Bob and my
lovely daughter Trudi! I can't believe she has become
a Trd!"
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