Claude the Camel - 3 Oct 2016

This is Claude the Camel.

"Sir, soy milk?"

Claude is in the cafe reflecting on his long and illustrious career at the Department of Nonsense.

"Yes thanks."

"We don't actually have soy - this is soylent green instead."

"Sounds good. Carry on. "

Claude's mind wanders back to the halcyon days. The days when men were men and camels were camels. The days, he thinks, when they got things done. He sips. The coffee needs something else.

"Sir, one lump or two?"

Claude ponders further. Maybe nothing got done. Hmmm. He thinks back. His mind escapes out of the optimistic frame of mind. Images flash before him:

* The great tea trolley disaster of '86. Ursula and the Iced Vo-Vos heading down the corridor towards Trevor-in-Accounts from Weston-super-Mare.

* The time they ordered the wrong paper clips. 200,000! And they weren't even round! They were the other type!

* The Office Space Realignment Survey in '91 which recommended all desks be relocated 7mm closer to each other.

* That brief period of time when Objective worked.

* Overtime. What a time to be alive.

* The time they were ordered to find something in the filing because Canberra needed it, and they actually found it. That was the end of Perkins obviously.

"Sir, one lump or two?"

Claude is brought back to Earth.

"How dare you man! I am a Dromedary. I have ONE hump! I will not stand for those Bactrians!"

"Sir, I am sorry if I caused offense - I was merely enquiring whether one wished one lump of sugar or two?"

"Oh! I see! I thought you were one of those militant Bactrists from BUCK covering up their two humps and pretending to be Dromedaries. Sad!"

"BUCK?"

"Yes - the Bactrian Unihumped Camel Kollective - a very dangerous organisation!"

"I see."

"Anyway, I do go on. How much for the coffee?"

"Sir, that's three bucks."

"BUCK? Begone with you! I knew it! The plot thickens!"